Monday, October 22, 2012

It's Always Something, Isn't It?

Hi everyone! So, my new job has been going okay. Not awesome, but alright. The only thing is, I feel like I do everything ass-backwards! I don't know if I'm getting old, or I need more sleep, or what, but this is the first job I've had in a long time where I really feel like I'm a disappointment! I just make all sorts of random mistakes. Mr. Shizuko asks me to make copies of some worksheets, and it takes me half an hour because the copy machine keeps shooting blanks. (I know how to work that type of copier, so I can't figure out why I'm all thumbs on this one!) He asks me to get the orange reading books from one of the storage lockers, and I take out all the peach ones instead! (They were in the first storage locker I opened, and they looked orange to me!) He asks me to get a bag of ice from the freezer in the teacher's lounge, and I come back with a grocery bag with a handful of ice in it, which I thought he might of brought from home, but it turns out he wanted one of the giant bags of ice actually! He asks me to put "the whole bag of ice" on a tray, and I dump the ice into the tray instead of just setting the bag on it. One minute I'm supposed to be giving Wyken space so he can be independent, and the next minute the teacher is asking me why I'm not "redirecting" Wyken for laying on the floor when he's supposed to be sitting in the circle. I feel like Amelia Bedelia!

Despite all that, I was excited today when Mr. Shizuko mentioned that we were going to start Guided Reading soon, and that I was going to be in charge of working with a group of kids who needed the most help. He said that I might be able to come up with some new ways to help these kids (I think it was going to be Annie Elizabeth, Johnny, Ginger, and maybe one or two others) to reach their goals. That would be a way that I could actually implement lesson plans and teach! 

As far as Wyken goes, I actually thought today was a breakthrough. Wyken was being squirmy during a lesson, so I whispered to him to ask him if he needed a break. He said no. Then Mr. Shizuko loudly told Wyken to go take a break. Wyken was upset but followed me out into the hall, where he complained that he hated when Mr. Shizuko called him out in front of the other kids. He said he felt like Mr. Shizuko hated him and just wanted to be in trouble. I tried to explain to him that Mr. Shizuko didn't hate him at all, but wanted him to learn how to control his own behavior and take breaks when he needs them. I suggested Wyken give me a secret signal when he needed a break. He liked the idea and decided that he'd pull on his earlobe when he needed a break. I added that I would do the same to him when I felt he needed a break. We then went to the gym and shot some baskets. Wyken was in a very good mood after that, and when we went back to class he was able to sit through the rest of the lesson.

At the end of the day I mentioned to Mr. Shizuko about the secret signal Wyken decided on. To my surprise, Mr. Shizuko frowned and said he didn't think Wyken would be able to decide when he needed a break or didn't need one. He then added that, at a meeting he'd gone to that morning, the principal had told him that I was going to be phased away from working with Wyken, and start working with another first grade boy named Galloway in a different room. I would be called back into my current room if Wyken needed a break or if an extra hand was needed in the classroom.

When I heard this I felt disappointed for so many reasons. For one, I've already gotten to know the kids in the classroom pretty well. One of my strengths is being able to figure out kids really quickly, and understand all of their different dramas, issues, strengths, weaknesses, personalities, etc. I know Davey, in particular, who is usually a gloomy little guy, always asks me to work with him, and after gym class he waits by the door so he can walk back with me. I reached out to him purposely because I could tell he needed more positive adult attention. I feel bad now that I'm going to be gone already. Plus, I like Wyken. And I like Mr. Shizuko, despite the fact that I have trouble figuring out what he wants from me exactly. And I was so excited about getting to be in charge of a Guided Reading group. I just don't want to start over in a new class again! 

Mr. Shizuko seems to agree with me, plus he's not sure if Wyken is ready to be on his own with no aide. But he says we have to pretty much go along with the principal. So... ::sigh::... I guess I will just wait and see what happens.

If nothing else, by the time I get through this year of confusion and chaos, I will be ready to take on a classroom of my own for sure! Nothing will phase me anymore!

1 comment:

  1. Yes, I would like to share something with the class. :)
    Please don't get frustrated when you hear conflicting things from other people. Things will get better when you have a classroom of your own. Just do the best you can, everyday, to do the best by the kids that you teach. There are always going to be things you can't control.
    You cannot control the actions of any other adult than yourself. In the words of Teddy Roosevelt, "Do What You Can, With What You Have, Where You Are."
    If you can go home at night, look at yourself in the mirror, and know that you have honestly done the best that you can, then you have done a good job. If my opinion counts, it sounds as if you do a spectacular job every single day. The kids are lucky to have you on their side.


Do you have something to share with the class?